In the hopes of posting this will let me sleep for even a few hours.

And it was going so well. I was so hopeful that this year would be better. And now, here I am not sleeping, feeling like total explosion is imminent again.

It's only been six days.

I wish that I could go to sleep and make all of my problems go away. I wish I could go to sleep. Period.

I want to stop apologising for having problems. But it's not easy when the people who are supposed to care are so devoid of tenderness that all they can do is yell. But that's just family. I know there are friends who can help, but I don't like burdening them all the time. And I'm good at that, I think. Being a burden.

I'm crazy and disorganized and I feel like everyone thinks I'm a joke. Hey, maybe they're right. I have my good qualities, but I also have my bad traits. Anxious, scattered, difficulties with solitude, difficulties with dealing with people, the list goes on.

I don't know where I was going with this so I'm going to stop. It doesn't make me feel better to write, as it sometimes does. I guess all I can do is keep on living when I wake up and hope that things somehow get better, if I work at it.

-K.