(Part six.)

Kalinka Black in "What Christmas Means to Me", Part One

I am used to taking things into my own hands. I am used to acting. I am used to doing things when no one else will. I do things that everyone is thinking, but no one would ever actually do themselves. And, for that, people are afraid of me. People are terrified of me. That is probably why, as I stand here on the floor of this living room, everyone else in the room is huddled in the corner beside the Christmas tree. They are whispering to themselves.
"She's here, she's here. This is the end."
But maybe they are right. Looking outside, the snow has gotten pretty heavy. A lot has fallen and it is now blowing around, preventing me from seeing very far outside. They may be right. Perhaps it is the end. But, this time, it would have nothing to do with me.
I kind of wondered why everyone seemed so upset though. It was just snow. They were totally overreacting. And, if they were afraid of me, they had no reason to be. I would never do something to someone on Christmas. Well, I would - but I'd have to be pushed pretty far.
A scarf. They were all holding a scarf. I could tell by the deep navy blue of the cloth that they probably assumed it belonged to Marr Vell. They probably thought he was dead. They were probably wrong, but I am sure they forgot to think reasonably about this. I am the only one who does. It kind of makes me angry.
And so, I spoke.
"Guys, I have to ask. What makes you think Marr is dead?"
For a while, no one said anything and then, finally, someone said, "this is his scarf...this is his scarf...and you..."
"Oh, don't you dare accuse me of that! Are you all stupid? You think I killed him? I don't understand how any of you could think that. Tell me, where the heck was I when Trevirn found that scarf? Nowhere! Where was I when you found out that Marr was going to be late? Buried deep inside Kalinka Blue's subconscious. Seriously, I think all of you are overreacting and I don't understand why you all don't just shut up and enjoy the time you have together. It's Christmas!"
"But---"
"No! The other thing I don't get about this is when have you ever known Marr to die? It's just not something he does! It's not," I stopped myself for a moment and felt a small lump form in my throat. "He'll be here you guys. He'll be here. So, just shut up." But suddenly I didn't feel as sure about my own words as I did a minute ago.
No one said anything else to me. It was quite obvious that I made all of them uncomfortable. The wind had picked up outside and now howled to itself just outside the window in the living room.
"I think you're all being incredibly dense about this. I know that Marr will be here and you are all going to feel like idiots for having wasted your entire Christmas for moping around holding a stupid piece of cloth. That's not Christmas. Even I know that. Christmas is about spending time with the friends and family who are around. Not whining about the ones that aren't."
But still, no one said anything to me. I could feel that the were still shaking lightly from the fact that I was here. They were still terrified. I think that's when I realised that they had heard nothing of what I said and had simply chose to remain afraid of me based on past experience. I blamed them for being so intolerant. But I blamed myself too. Either way, I simply did not feel wanted in that house and, rather than make myself look worse, I decided to make a statement by putting on my coat and stepping outside into the white wall of blowing snow that swirled in front of me.
It was colder than I thought it would be outside. But cold doesn't bother me. It never has. The blinding snow did not affect me either. I love the snow. I love the feeling that, as each flake falls, the problems of world are being further smothered by this magical blanket falling from the sky. Snow makes everything appear perfect. It makes me forget how flawed the world is.
I kept walking. I knew that no one would try to find me. As soon as I left the house, I knew that any statement I was attempting to make was completely lost on them. They did not care if I was there. In fact, I am sure that each one of them wanted to tell me to leave, but couldn't because they were afraid of me. That, and it was my house.
I was not surprised at how completely lifeless the streets were now. Everyone that would have been usually walking at this hour was at home with their family. Or buried in the snow. But, I assumed, if they were walking in this weather - they probably deserved to end up that way because of their own foolishness.
As I lifted my legs through the deep snow, I began to think about that scarf again. Why had everyone so quickly assumed it belonged to Marr? I am quite sure that there are other navy blue scarves in the world. No, Marr was alive. He had to be. Didn't he? If he had to be alive, then where was he?
Where was he?
A tiny glimmer of light in the distance shook this question from my mind. Small and brilliant white, it flashed for a moment and then was gone. I was about to convince myself that it had not happened at all when I noticed it again. It was small and faint, but it was there. It continued flickering.
I am not sure why, exactly, but I felt myself drawn toward it. I could barely see it through the snow, but once every few seconds I caught a glimpse of this tiny light and that was enough to move me forward.
I suppose it was curiosity that guided me towards the source of this flashing light. It did not even seem that I should be able to see something that small in this weather. But still, I continued. I wondered what could have been making this strange light. It was quite low to the ground, so it could not have been a broken streetlight or any other light source that would have made sense. No, it was quite clear that whatever was making this blinking was something foreign. Something that surely did not belong outside in this weather.