Monday, November 06, 2006

Snow
She wasn't really sure how long she had been waiting for. But it didn't really matter now. He had arrived. He was standing on her doorstep in a black coat that touched to his knees. She still wasn't sure how to react to seeing him standing there, smiling. She felt as though she was looking at a picture, an imperfect copy of the pure image that was standing in front of her. This was what she wanted, wasn't it? She asked him to come here. She specifically told him that it would be a date, even though she hated labelling things like that. And now, seeing him standing there with a simple hopefulness in his eyes made her feet sink into the ground with what she assumed was guilt.
But why did she feel guilty? He wouldn't be here if he didn't want to be. But did she want him to be? She should, right? Even before she felt the need to make it specific that this was in fact a date, he was her friend. He had done a lot for her and she felt, at least, if she didn't want to go with him to wherever he had planned on going - she should still walk with him out of an obligation to a friend. Maybe she could cancel the whole thing. Maybe there would still be time. But in her heart she knew that she was only kidding herself and that there was no time to do such things. He was on the doorstep. He was staring at her and, she thought, oh God he probably has flowers behind his back. She kind of hoped she didn't. She didn't want to think that he would be so conventional.
But that didn't matter. He was a friend and she stepped out onto the doorstep to greet this friend who had put up with her staring at him for what seemed like an hour but was probably closer to five minutes.
They began walking down the street in silence. He seemed pleased that she wasn't trying to force conversation and simply smiled calmly, staring ahead with a strangely focussed look in his eyes. She had no idea what he could be concentrating on.
They continued walking until they arrived downtown. They had come here together many times before but now their reason for coming was clearly defined. She was becoming more accustomed to the idea that this was, in fact, a date and that he was completely ready to also accept it, but would probably not make a fuss if she decided that no, this wasn't right and tried to run home.
As it was a few weeks before Christmas, red and green and gold lights outlined the buildings on the cold dark streets. Normally she enjoyed seeing these lights herald the coming of the Christmas season but now, seeing the lights reflected in tiny pools of dim brownish light in his eyes - she began to think of them, and him, differently. What did that even mean anyway? She asked herself, but couldn't think of anything.
Eventually, he started moving a bit faster than her and walked awkwardly ahead - as if being drawn by some force that she could not see herself. He stopped just underneath a streetlight, his face glowing orange beneath it. She squinted at him and could make out what appeared to be a very slight smile curling his lips. She had never seen him smile with such a mix of restraint and sincerity before and this perplexed her into moving closer toward him.
He said nothing as she stepped closer and stood in front of him, both of them now awash in the orange glow coming from above. She wasn't really sure what to say. She tried her best to be specific. She tried her best to avoid confusion but now, she knew that confusion was a necessity and that it would dissipate on its own when it needed to, when she was ready for it to go away. Neither of them had spoken to each other in over an hour. Neither was sure what to say, it seemed.
She noticed his eyes, still glowing hopefully with reflected orange light. She stared, hoping to discover the reason why he seemed so composed when she could barely figure out how she had ended up at this point with the boy who was once a friend standing in front of her with a strange half-smile. But he was more than a friend. He always was, wasn't he? He had done things that no normal friend would ever do. He had gone out of his way far too many times to be simply a friend. Was this gratitude speaking? Was there more to it than simply her being thankful for having such a reliable, caring friend?
A lump in her throat. And then, nothing. No thoughts. No more curiosity. No questions. No answers. No words. Nothing. She felt her neck grow heavy and she leaned slightly, placing her head on his shoulder. No meaning. Nothing. She felt a hand on her head, stroking her thick hair carefully, lovingly. No questions. And then, with eyes half-open, she felt a cold wind and noticed a single white flake fall onto his shoulder. She moved her head and stood up straight.
She stared at him again, this time with a knowing smile. A few white flakes tentatively fell from the sky, sprinkling each of them with tiny white spots that quickly disappeared. They smiled wider and then seemed to instinctively gravitate toward each other again, this time they held each other as equals - wrapped completely in each other's arms.
She looked into his eyes again and saw something that she hadn't noticed before. A comfortability, was it? She thought about it but there it was again. A lump in her throat. And then nothing.
Nothing. She rolled the word on her tongue. Nothing. She held herself closer, was she being too clingy now? It didn't matter. Nothing. The strange way the light seemed to ignite his eyes. Nothing. Those flakes that fell on their shoulders a moment ago. Magical, but now melted away. Nothing, she thought to herself. It doesn't matter. Nothing did. Nothing does. Auotmatically, she began to slowly move her lips fluidly toward his. She, no, she thought to herself, they met each other's lips and suddenly her reasons for coming to this place became clear. The sky exploded in response and countless tiny white flakes fell slowly, without wind, to the ground. They held each other for a long time, both holding tightly - trying to slowly merge themselves together but they knew that was futile.
They eventually walked home holding each other's hand tightly, not wanting to let go. She held tightly and suddenly the golds and the greens and the reds and the oranges of the lights around her seemed to exude a million different colours and spread into streams that scurried down the side streets, brushed through cars and sidewalks and raced into her head - exploding her thoughts into nothing. Nothing but a sea of lights of unimaginable colours.

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Hope you liked it,
Daisy.

3 comments:

Marr said...

There's not really much to say about this. It was simply a beautiful piece of writing. I can tell that you're feeling WAY better. Snow will do that to you.

Neige,
Marr Vell

The whisper in your ear said...

I to am glad you are feeling better.I personaly dont like the snow but if I was with someone I love(You know who) then I wouldnt mind it...Snow sets a romantic scence dont you think?


GUnna tell him tonight,
Jesse

Marr said...

That's good to hear Joneu, though I question why you're going there. I don't know what you expect to find that relates to this story in any way. Other than snow, but this is Canada snow is everywhere this time of year. Except for right here, dagblastit.

Prospective,
Marr Vell