Somehow I always get determined to write these crazy sleep deprived posts and then when I get to do them, they always seemed watered-down and I think that's already happened.
But I nevertheless need to vent. So here we go.
Disregard unless reading about other peoples' slow descents into insanity is your thing.
Spiralling, I think that's the word for it. Spiralling so fast that I'm being torn apart. So fast that I can feel parts of me quickly slipping away into the night, drifting away on the wind. And it's not something that I really feel like I have any control over. I'm sure that sounds absurd when you consider that I can describe what is happening, but I can't do anything about it.
Less things matter to me now. I find that I'm starting not to care about things and this has happened before. It sort of feels like everything I enjoy in life is covered by its own spotlight and, one by one, the lights are being turned off by some unseen stagehand without my consent. But maybe that's ridiculous. Maybe I'm choosing to cut things out of my life.
Light and dark. Black and white. Black and blue. I don't even feel like the same person I was even three months ago. I feel as though I've been fundamentally changed but I haven't gone anywhere or done anything special. I guess maybe that's life though.
Then again part of me, the part that has trouble sleeping, knows that in my heart I'm suffering somewhat from a bad case of self-imposed loneliness. I tend to be rather judgemental of those I meet and, as a result, I'm a bit too good at pushing away some people. Now I'd never compromise my standards, but sometimes it's tough to stick to your ideals when you have feel you have no one in the world to talk to.
Okay, so at least one person will call me out for exaggerating there.
I could ramble on all night and the sun would come up and I'd die of not sleeping eventually and the world would still go on. Big deal.
Now I'm not one to reduce things to one issue but I think I need a spontaneous hug. It may not solve all of my problems, but it'd make me feel better and perhaps make me not feel so isolated in dealing with all of this stuff I seem to be dealing with.
Confused mad love,
Daisy Tamarack.
7 comments:
I'm sorry about your lack of sleep....I know how you feal.I have gone so insane I'm acctualy singing infront of people....Large amounts of people.*dances around like a weirdo*...
Crrraaazy,
Jesse
yes sleep is something that seems in short damand. I had volleyball at 7:30 today. I went and then came home cause I felt like crap. I mean it went well but I felt like I was gunna throw up. By the by kal your piece was great.
hey kal? You don't have to post this but I'm just wondering what your post was about... I thought that it was about rape but I'm so sick I think I'm gunna check everyone elses blog and then go to bed.
Well, it's mostly just about me being stressed to the point where I feel like there are more and more things being forced on me and it's getting harder and harder to handle.
Mentally raped, perhaps.
Kalinka,
I've noticed that you've been going through a lot lately, a lot more than I can handle that's for damn sure. I've been, and will continue to, trying to make things easier for you. We all need a chance to unwind once in awhile, and it just so happens that we both need it at the time. And whether you know it or not you've been helping me through these past few week just as much as I've been trying to help you, how successful I was I have no way of knowing.
Thinking back, we did a lot these past two weeks. Let us review maybe:
- I took you to see The Phantom of the Opera. (The ballet version, not the musical.)
- We went to a game of trivia with my brother and his roommate. (We lost, but it's called trivia because it's trivial.)
- We went to a concert. (I didn't dance because I can't, but neither can you, but you still danced. Maybe next time.)
- We saw The Prestige. (The ending is kinda cheezy, but I liked it.)
- And we've been shopping around for our Hallowe'en costumes. (Yay! Hallowe'en!)
We've been keeping busy, huh?
Anyway, because you asked for it. *hugs* I know it wasn't exactly spontaneous, but that's in the past. You have to learn to get over these things.
Reminiscent,
Marr Vell
P.S. I love the new fall look.
(: Thanks Marr.
Of course you help!
Ah, I'm glad I was able to help you out, too.
Aw Kal has a marr and Marr has a Kal to help eachother get threw things. That was sincear not sacrasum. Yay if you check the time my piece was writtewn I should be in school but I'm not. I am sick....again. So reading poeples blogs is makeing me busey yay! No more bad tv for now. Ok by by.
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